You know it’s happened to you too. That friend, the one who isn’t a member of our collective kinky scene, but doesn’t judge you for participating asks you a question about something and through the course of it you use the v-word. And then they get a bit up in arms about it. But you can’t understand why. It’s not like it’s a bad word. It’s innocent. It’s just what we call them. The veritable “muggles” of the kink world. And we still love them. Even though they’re

vanilla.

I’ve made a concerted effort to no longer use this word to describe those not affiliated with the kink community.

Also because I don’t believe the idea the word “vanilla” connotates doesn’t even EXIST.

Not just because it’s offensive to indicate that people are boring if they don’t like like to get strung up on a tree branch with fishing wire and poked in various orifices with chopsticks while being beat with a turkey leg. Not just because it’s judgmental to insinuate that someone is bland simply because they don’t have the means or desire to go to kinky conventions or invent a “naughty wife” role play to spank her on your honeymoon. But also because I believe the idea the word “vanilla” connotates doesn’t even EXIST.

I believe that there’s a spectrum to being kinky.

Let me tell you a little story about what happened to me at Dark Odyssey’s Fusion event

You see, I’m a spanko first and foremost. My fetish as long as I can remember was spanking… Over-the-knee, Domestic Discipline, Big/little roleplay– I love it all.

I didn’t want to be taken into the depths of myself, transcending thresholds of pain until I was I was a human puddle of bruised flesh–only to come out of the other side feeling purified with a sense of catharsis and a renewed sense of strength and spirit.

But I have other interests as well. Although they are probably not as pronounced fetishes, these things get me hot too: Bondage, other types of impact play, takedown scenes, sensation toys– and just plain being naked. I’m not a “spanking purist” and I enjoy much of the variety that the sharper side of pleasure can produce.

So imagine my surprise when, ironically, the only thing I really felt like doing at this all encompassing BDSM event was get spanked. Oh, and walk around naked. Maybe have an orgasm or two. As far as BDSM goes, however, I didn’t want to be taken into the depths of myself, transcending thresholds of pain until I was I was a human puddle of bruised flesh–only to come out of the other side feeling purified with a sense of catharsis and a renewed sense of strength and spirit.

Nope.

Honestly, I arrived and…

I just wanted my butt whacked.

So apparently I wasn’t all that kinky during this event. You see, spanking isn’t really all that kinky anymore. Let me explain.

There was an event called the “Wheel of Destiny” which can be summarized as kinky Wheel of Fortune. There were all kinds of ridiculous things on there, some kinky some not. Anal, punching, grappling, making out, electricity, piercing, cake (yes, a slice of cake), a hug, and a something my devious friend Graydancer called “Tar & Feathering” (where the tar was actually maple syrup) were among the list but I noticed that “spanking” wasn’t there.

When I asked about why my favorite fetish wasn’t present I was told the following:

“Oh, spanking isn’t really all that kinky. It’s like… the gateway fetish”.

That stuck with me. It made me think about my the “spanking purists” I encountered. Were they not really all that kinky as well? Well, they get together in hotels and convention centers and slap each other’s butts so they’re a little kinky.

We’ve come up with cutesy little names for people that are only a little kink– names like “chocolate chip” or my personal favorite “neopolitan”. Fact is (stay with me on the ice cream analogy here) we’re all some sort of flavor. And I’m no “rocky road”, myself. However I wouldn’t want anyone to determine my flavor for me. Especially if it was something as bland as… vanilla. Some people might feel they, themselves are vanilla but who are WE to determine that?

Now, I’m not saying we need to have a contest or anything, but there are definitely people who are kinkier than others. Which is why I think there’s a spectrum to kink. And why I think very few people on the planet are SOOOO non-kinky that they embody the “complete vanilla” end of the spectrum.

So I’m thinking we need to come up with a different word to describe those that aren’t members of the kink scene. And “muggles” is already taken. Suggestions?